It’s interesting figuring out what calms you, what silences the thoughts in your head. Where you can hear the rhythms of yourself.
For instance I always have loved bobbing out in the deep water of the ocean the place right before the waves break where you can only barely touch the bottom in a lull, shifting with the currents and yet staying in place. But I never thought about how I felt out in the deep, I just knew that is where I had to be at the beach.
Now I have figured out that scaling waves is very calming for me, unfortunately the sensation is not something I can replicate in daily life.
I also have a deep and abiding love of the silencing effect of (fire) candles and glow-in-the dark stars. Fireflies flickering in the night in dizzying patterns. However, I cannot spend all of my life staring at them. But they do help in a pinch like earlier this evening when I realized I had lost my knife.
That, along with a long-running abuse of OTC medication is the third method of shutting out the world. Not to worry, I only lightly score myself, even pottery sees deeper marks than those I make.
I used to love running through the woods and hiking and climbing. They are freeing activities that I still enjoy when inaction does not stay my hand. But they are only relaxing in the daylight and even then there is always a shadow of danger. So not ideal.
More exploration is clearly needed to win this war within myself and silence the siren call of complete silence.